Sometimes I get tired of protecting myself. 

Sometimes I want to talk rather than listen. 

Sometimes I have trouble admitting that I need help.

I just want someone to give me a hug and tell me it will all be okay.

That just made my day :)

and I love nick and kat :)

But I can’t because you’re my mother.

Sometimes I absolutely hate the way things are.

But I can’t change anything.

So I just have to deal with it.

FUCK.

Sometimes I think I care too much… especially about people who don’t seem to care at all. I mean, maybe they care, but they sure don’t show it. 

There is A LOT of love in my heart, and I just want to give it to the people who matter to me. I put forth the energy to maintain relationships because I want to make sure that people are doing okay. I just want my friends to know that I think about them, that I care about them, and that I love them.

But when I get ignored, blown off, and used repeatedly, I feel absolutely fucking pathetic. All I’m doing is trying to maintain a friendship. Is it really that difficult to respond? Maybe everyone is just too preoccupied with other things.

I’m torn… Do I keep trying, or do I give up? Giving up on people is not in my nature, but trying to connect with someone who seems so distant is just getting painful.

Sometimes I wish I could just care less… Or maybe I wish that other people would care more.

Maybe they’ll start caring when they realize I’ll be gone. I’ll be spending 8 weeks in NY this summer, away from everyone here… and if AmeriCorps works out, I’ll be away for 10 months. I wonder if they’ll notice.

Sometimes I think about going somewhere for a few days and not telling anyone, just to see who would notice. 

I’m sure I sound awfully pathetic right now. I just wanted to get that out.

If you took the time to read this, I apologize.